So I visited London or as I call it “Laaandon town governor” to visit my brother who I guess is a super Burger bro bro. My goal was to soak up some culture, eat some food and blend in with the locals.
Stage 1 of integration was to talk the talk. During my visit, I called everything “cockles and pears” and referred to everyone as “governor” and or “me old China plate”. Note the latter is confusing in Denby and Whittard but pretty soon I was one of them.
I found a surprising lack of pie, mash shops and not a sniff of an eel which I had assumed were on every corner (I have a theory that there’s a secret Cockney magic word that summons pies and eels on demand, a bit like Harry Potter, which also would explain the lingo). I tried asking where the muggle free food was but they must be able to sniff out a Welsh man, I’m not sure how as I believe my disguise was perfect, Still many a giraffe was had by all.
As a social Chameleon, I decided to embrace the authentic Laaandon culture and ignore everyone around me and ask Google where the nearest purveyor of Burgers could be found. It turns out that myself and burger bro bro were near Meatliquor, so we set off to find it.
We thought it best not to ask people to direct us to a Meatliquor for fear of well… Rape, but we found the busy cafe bar in no time.
A table for two was sorted out pretty quickly in a quiet corner of the bar. The thing I noticed most about the place was the excellent alt-rock/blues soundtrack and the trendy rocky art on the wall. That’s what I would have said if I could actually see, the thing I actually noticed most was the use of red lighting and darkness. I presume to allow people to develop photos while eating Burgers? Suffice to say we had to read the menu at an angle when our waiter stood in the light.
There was a limited but tasty selection of Burgers on offer, the dead hippie was the one that stood out from the rest, so we both ordered the same. Here’s what the menu says.
Both Burgers arrived pretty quickly on an Earl Grey (tray) we had cheesy fries and onion rings as sides too.
I’ll be honest I wasn’t a big fan of the presentation with the enormous tray the burger looked a little lost and plopped on the side. However, this feeling was soon appeased by taste. It’s safe to say if you’re not a fan of mustard you won’t be a fan of this burger but then why would you order a double mustard fried burger.
Mustard frying is a new revelation for me, so simple but as I discovered so very right. The meat was super tasty, Juicy but with a great texture, I was glad it was a double burger because I definitely needed more. The mustard and dead hippy sauce from an equal partnership with the meat to be the stars of the show. The salad and fluffy Bun gave an excellent texture to a drippy but impressive spicy meat feast.
I think this burger is one of those simple classical flavoured Burgers, mustard and beef have been together for a long time and their dead hippie lovechild is a great twist. It’s a testament to this burger that I went and bought mustard to try my own version 4.5 Juicy stars.