The Behemoth – Pretentious Burger Kitchen (Newport)


Pretentious Burger Kitchen has been on the radar for a while, but for one reason or another, it took us until recently to get our burgerlovin’ butts out of Cardiff and head along the M4.

Dan and Jem are majorly into their food. Their ethos is that if you’re going to do something, you do it the way your heart tells you to do it. This in itself is a curse and a blessing, but more on that later.

The venue is simple and subtly trendy. The local lads had set up shop in their own backyard in the hope that they would be able to share their vision of quality burgers with everyone around them. It was a bold move.

Personally, I loved the place. It helped that the boys were very much on the same wavelength as me when it came to food in general.

Picking a burger from this list is pretty hard, but in a good way. Every one of them could easily have been my choice that day, but in the end, I plumped for The Behemoth, and not just because it would fill me up.

Two, six ounce, 21 day aged beef patties, Llanddyrnog mature cheddar, smoked streaky bacon, caramelised onions, lettuce, tomato, gherkins, red onions and PBKs BBQ & onion relish, served with onion rings and I opted for an accompaniment of their “Pommelier fries pairing” of dirty fries and a sharing portion of Brisket bites.

So, let’s get down to the business of reviewing this bad boy.

I could see from pictures on the wall how they made their patties and recognised it from a Heston Blumenthal tv show, where he employed scientific techniques to make the best textured burger out there. If it was good enough for him, then the lads at PBK reckoned it was good enough for them.

This was the first time I had eaten a Heston inspired burger, and there is something to it. Texture-wise it was different and held together better than most burgers. There was a rigidity to the burger, which held it together beautifully, but separated easily in each mouthful.

I can’t really fault the burger, but it’s unique texture was something that I struggled to get used to, but that is because it was something completely new to me.

The burger, served on a handmade semi-brioche bun, was well constructed and held it’s shape well. This may be a big assumption, but I assume that everyone has their own preference to the way that a burger is built. I have a few rules when it comes to mine and I may go through them all with you at some point, but at this stage, all you need to know is that if you can’t have a slice of tomato near the base of your burger tower; the foundation is important and those needs are not met by a slippery slice near the bottom of the creation.

The brisket bites were a delight. In fact, when we got the five piece portion to share, I wondered how it would end. I looked at my fellow Super Burger Bro and thought, I love this guy, but I will stab him in the hand if he reaches to take that third bite from the plate. Thankfully, nobody was hurt as we compromised by cutting it in half.

Dirty fries are great and the fact that the flavours were paired by their Pommelier, meant that the married well with the burger toppings and the homemade sauces were superb.

The semi-brioche bun is unique to PBK and is light, spongey and robust at the same time. It is also a very tasty bun, which sets the meal up well.

So what is the curse? Well, it’s Newport. I don’t know why, but this was a Friday night and there was nowhere near enough people in this place. It’s in a decent location, but the punters just didn’t show in the numbers they would if they were in Cardiff.

The Behemoth scored an impressive 4.5 out of 5.


Good luck in your future ventures gents.

About shyboyscott

My name's Scott aka shyboy. I'm a 6ft, bald headed, tattooed, bearded Scotsman that's now a dad. Total softy until I need to be the opposite. Love burgers, beer, my girl and my baby boy....not necessarily in that order.

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